Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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