I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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