to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
