The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
