So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
