there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
