you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
