i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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