OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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