I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Couch. On fire.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
