Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
