3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
