talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize