she kept yelling 'call me bella'
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
