i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
