if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
