my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
