On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
