well most of my day revolves around power hour
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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