WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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