I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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