all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
