He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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