whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
