Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
