You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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