Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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