Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
