Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
