On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
