I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
