A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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