I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
