I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
