Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
