Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
