Will you blow on my dice?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You took a bar mat shot.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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