This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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