she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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