you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
ttyl tear gas
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
