My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize