I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
