dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
