i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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