so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
