he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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