My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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