At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
