I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
