i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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