Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
