Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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