Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
