Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
