my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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