i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
