Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
of course. lets lasso hookers.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
