I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize