how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
