i will never coherently bang her
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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