he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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