I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
is it fun? or sober?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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