3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
True college students do jello shots in the library
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