what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
