it was like his penis was on wheels.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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