The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
