apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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